Meant To Be
by suspensegirlinc
Summary: Post 2x19 - He deserves this. Because life isn't fair to him and she deserves so much better. Nate always wins, especially with Blair. Especially since the only reason he had her was because Nate didn't want her. CBN


A/N: I really should be giving you a Christmas pressie by way of Christmas fluff, but I can't get this idea out of my head. It may even be an _extremely_ short multi-chap, but that's it! (since those of you who read me regularly know I've just started a multi-chap based on current events – forgive me for the late delay in that one. The chapter I'm writing next is _extremely_ long). Season 2 has just gotten a hold of me lately, since I've been redownloading the episodes so I have them in better quality for my vidding, and thus rewatching some of the promos for it too. I remember once again why season 2 killed me like none other. Yes, the other seasons had angst without a doubt much more extreme than what we had in season 2, but there was just so _much_ of it in season 2, and it dragged on _forever_. I've been feeling compelled lately to write something off of every little piece of angst in that season because it was so dreadful to sit through and thus fanfics _had_ to be written in order for all of us to keep our sanity. Anyways, that is my explanation. Hope you'll excuse my angst on the day before Christmas (_Eve_) and just know that I wish you the very best on this very _merry_ Christmas season.

*I own nothing. No copyright infringement intended.

…

**Ch.1—Undeserving**

There was no use denying it. He would always be jealous, heartbroken and enraged by the sight and even the mere _thought_ of Blair Waldorf and Nathaniel together, as one, as a couple. He'd hoped he'd seen the last of it, but as was per usual, his timing had been way off and due to his own pushing Nate had become the white knight in shining armor for none other than the beautiful, crumbling Blair.

He deserved it, he knew, for all he'd put her through it. But he was finally stepping up. He had finally had reality smack him in the face and tell him to stop searching in every direction that wasn't her. He could probably become a better man on his own, but not at this rate. Blair had become his guiding light, his shoulder to cry on, as sickening as that thought was, and when she truly needed someone – she, who helped anyone that needed her without a second thought – he hadn't been there for her. He deserved this.

He didn't ask, and it was clear Serena didn't know, but his own personal private investigating had led him to believe that if Nate and Blair weren't already together, they soon would be. He wasn't sure, but the last he'd heard Nate and Vanessa were still _supposed_ to be a couple. Something must have happened to cause a rift between them, but unless Nate had decided to become an ass again just because Blair had gone all googly-eyes on him, he could use that to his advantage. It wasn't that he particularly cared for Vanessa one way or the other, but it was encouraging to know he wasn't the only one broken and alone in all of this.

He wasn't about to inform Serena about the new state of Nate and Blair. As worried as the blonde was about her best friend, it was clear she was willing to accept the bliss of not knowing because whatever had happened had brought her best friend back to her old self again. Maybe she even thought he had something to do with it. _If only._

Blair hadn't called him back the day after he'd found Nate's jacket in her foyer. He'd been willing to tell her he loved her that night, more willing than he'd ever been or could imagine he ever would be. He was losing her, really losing her. He'd never been more scared in his life. When he'd called her bluff at the Van der Built party, he'd honestly thought she'd cave, not leave him standing there with his honesty staring him in the face and his heart crumbling on his sleeve. He'd thrown the blatant truth in front of her, and what had she done? Left him. And somehow Nate must have attempted something similar, but Blair had calmed down by that point and become _herself_ again. _How was that fair? _It wasn't. But since when had life ever been fair to him? _Never_. Not even when it was good, was it fair.

He'd called once more, and then he'd gone to see her when Dorota insisted her mistress had no intention of returning his calls. As fate would have it, she was out with Nate when he went to see her. Dorota was being conspicuous about who she was out with, and that told him all he needed to know in black and white. He was doomed.

So, he abandoned his pursuits of her direct attention and set to torturing himself, either by drowning himself in scotch or ripping his heart to shreds by stalking the couple every waking second they were together. It was like the year before all over again and he hated it. Hadn't he been through this already? He thought that was over with. He thought he'd beaten this catastrophe. He should have known better. Blair had obviously only chosen him because Nate had refused to forgive her and take her back. Nate would always win. No matter how much of a jerk the blonde could sometimes be, Chuck Bass would always outdo him without even thinking. It was just who he was. Even when he wasn't being a selfish bastard, he hurt people.

He should've known better.

There was a knock at his door and then it opened. There was a small collection of people that could be there, but the conversation he least wanted to have would probably come upon him at the most inopportune moment, the most aggravating one. That would be now.

"We need to talk."

His eyes closed in aggravation. He took another swallow of his scotch as he continued to stare out the window, hoping the problem would go away, or that at least he could consume himself in it alone. He didn't think he could play the role of best-friend-giving-girl-advice just yet.

"If this is about how you should go about breaking up with Vanessa, so you can start dating Blair, you could not have picked a worse time."

He turned around when the silence lingered too long to find a dumbstruck and guilty-looking Nate Archibald staring him in the face. He didn't have to say the words. He knew he'd been taken by surprise by the fact that his best friend knew exactly what he'd been thinking before even really indulging in the topic.

"So much for building up to it," Nate murmured, moving into the room. Chuck gestured to the door and Nate closed it, following Chuck to the center of the room.

Chuck sighed heavily. "I'm going to be honest with you in the best way I can."

Nate held his breath, realizing he wanted this information more than anything else in that moment.

"I may have royally screwed things over with Blair, but you have an uncanny talent for hurting girls unintentionally and making it look like their fault."

Nate's eyebrows narrowed, but Chuck cut him off before he could speak.

"I'm not trying to insult you or tell you how to do whatever it is you think you have to do, or want to do for that matter. I'm just saying…think a little bit before you do it. There are other feelings at stake here besides yours."

Nate pursed his lips, his inner demons battling between accepting the advice and flipping Chuck off. He thought of reminding him of all the drama and heartbreak he'd caused Blair but decided against it. He was supposed to be the good guy after all, and it was obvious Chuck was beating himself up enough already.

"Alright. Thanks," he added lamely, turning towards the door.

Chuck let him go. There was no point in making him stay, trying to get him to sympathize and maybe stop _feeling_ for Blair. When Nate and Blair felt for each other, there was nothing to keep them apart. He could never win. It didn't matter that he didn't think they were right for each other, he sure as hell wasn't right for Blair, so what the heck? If Blair wanted to try again with Nate, and if she wanted to make it last, he wasn't going to stand in the way again. Nothing good ever happened when he tried that.

….

Vanessa glared at him from across the room at Jenny's party as she stood with Dan. Obviously Nate had dumped her. He noticed how tense she was and could almost feel how the food would splatter across his face if she threw a plate of it at him or how her slap would burn. Of course he didn't know if she knew about his little conversation with Nate, but he was always the scapegoat, and he well knew that to escape the heartbreak it was best to blame someone else. Maybe she was pissed at Nate, but it hurt too much to watch him and Blair together, giggling and smiling on the other side of the room, Blair's hand running down Nate's lapel and Nate occasionally tucking a curl behind her ear when it popped out and swerved in front of her face. Chuck didn't blame her for looking away.

Jenny came in after awhile and was clearly thrown by the massive amount of people that were in the Van der Bass apartment. Fury might be an emotion that came out later, but for the moment she was just overwhelmed. She escaped soon after with the assistance of Eric and it was as if she never even arrived. The party continued on, though a panicky Serena did cross paths with him more than once.

An hour later and half the people had left, but still Vanessa brooded in the corner, this time without Dan. Nate and Blair still appeared enraptured in each other and Chuck had decided he'd had enough. It proved once more to him how cruel life could be when he realized he had to pass Nate and Blair in order to get to the stairs and then to his room. He could always escape to the elevator and drown his sorrows in some no name bar, but what he really wanted was to sleep. He should have skipped the party entirely, but some part of him needed to further torment himself. The self-inflicted hatred was what he was best at. So, he didn't make a bypass for the elevator. He headed towards the stairs.

They were sickening. He couldn't believe he was actually walking _towards_ this. At least last year he'd been able to go around or back away. That annoying voice in the back of his head told him he could still make a run for it, but he knew he had to do this. It would be accomplishing a major feat for one thing, even if he'd have to suffer through images of this the rest of the night and into the morning.

"Hey, Chuck."

He came to a halt when he came face-to-face with a smiling Nate. He forced a smile for him.

"Nathaniel."

He nodded his head in greeting. He ignored Blair.

"What's up?"

_Small talk? Really?_ It nauseated him.

"Heading to my room."

"Oh, well I'll come wi—"

The frown on Blair's face at the realization that her boyfriend was leaving her twisted something inside Chuck. He wanted to throw up, and not because he cared so much.

"No, I'm going to bed."

Blair's face immediately shifted, and for the first time in weeks, she looked at him.

"Going to _bed_, Bass? As in _sleeping_? It's 9 o'clock," she said in shock.

His eyes flickered over to hers. "Yes, as in sleep." The two blinked at his confirmation, and he rolled his eyes. "It's been an exhausting day."

He was surprised when neither of them scoffed or bothered to pursue the conversation, but he decided it was for his own good. He'd made it through the encounter mostly unscathed. Further encouragement filled him when he reached the top of the stairs, feeling suddenly lighter. He felt a swish behind him and looked over his shoulder. Nate and Blair had resumed their discussion – a.k.a. their staring into each other's eyes as they spoke of nonsense. It was Vanessa who had become sick of the party and decided to make her leave. He wondered if the situation would have been any different had he provoked her into making Nate and Blair jealous enough to maybe cause some damage. He decided not. As he'd been telling himself for two weeks now, Nate always won, especially when it came to Blair.

"I'm sleeping," he announced to whoever had decided to open his door after he'd specifically insisted on his seriousness in the matter. Of course it could very well be two people looking for a place to hook up, in which case he was slightly amused. Not enough to tolerate such actions though.

The light switched on and he sighed loudly.

"I didn't think you were serious."

The sound of Blair's voice made him open his eyes wide. He pursed his lips tightly, hoping she'd leave if he didn't say anything. She was determined now though, and she was herself again (no thanks to Nathaniel). She wouldn't give up until she believed her job was done.

She pushed the door closed behind her and sauntered towards the bed where he was still laying flat, waiting for her to leave and feeling as tense as ever. His hands even curled into fists beneath the covers.

"No whores…no scotch. Chuck, this isn't you," she remarked sarcastically.

"What do you want, Blair?" he groaned.

She plopped herself down on his bed and swung one leg over the other at the knee.

"Just to see how you're doing…" She smoothed her hand across the covers until she reached the lump covering his foot and then stilled, not moving it.

He sat up in bed and sighed, running a hand through his already tousled hair, and moving his feet far out of reach.

"You don't need to say your goodbyes before you and Nate tally off. Just _go_."

She blinked innocently. "I haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about."

He sighed, aggravated, and drew back the covers, guiding her forcefully to the door and pushing her into the hallway. It was a struggle, but he managed it. He guessed his best ally was the fact that she was wearing heels.

"Good_night_, Blair."

"It's not even 9:30, Chuck. Be reasonable. I just want to chat," she said, managing to hold the door open despite his efforts to close it.

He withheld his pressure on the door and caught her gaze, suddenly furious.

"Since _when_?"

Her eyebrows furrowed, and it was as if suddenly all her barriers were gone. He could see the lightly-shaded vulnerability in her eyes.

"Huh?"

"Don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about."

"I _don't_."

He scoffed. "Do I have to go through it with you again? Slow, _baby_ steps, so you understand?" He asked, aggravated and eager to get her to leave.

"Well, you could give me _something_."

He couldn't believe it. It was as if the whole last year hadn't even happened, like she'd never broken up with Nate. Or, if she had, it certainly hadn't had anything to do with him or Serena. Maybe there had just been a slight mishap or maybe nothing had happened at all.

He shook his head at her. "I don't believe I'm doing this, but…" He looked at her once more, hoping something would click inside her brilliant mind that had apparently run into a wall, scattering the organization of it and jumbling its complete system process.

No dots appeared to be connecting.

"Two weeks ago, just before Nate saved you from yourself, you and I had a little…scene."

"We almost had sex, but you rejected me. What of it?" she said, as if it had been assumed she knew all along.

"Because I _cared_."

She scoffed. "_Please_."

He should tell her what he felt, that it was real, and how he'd been ready to finally commit and save her from the mess her life had become like she'd done for him so many times. But he didn't. It would be easier this way. He didn't deserve her, and he wasn't going to let her think he actually had a soul when it only broke her to know it.

"You know, you're right. I probably didn't care. I probably just wanted to hurt you," he spat angrily. "That's the reason behind everything I do, isn't it? My sole purpose in life is to hurt people, to make them suffer. It's what I _live_ for."

"Stop it."

"I don't care about you or Nate or Serena. All I care about is myself, and when that fails me I go to the tops of buildings and threaten that I'll jump. Since you're with Nate now, I can be sure no one will save me should I decide to try it again."

"_Chuck_!"

"Blair?" Nate's voice carried up the stairs. "You ready?"

She could not remove her eyes from his. It was unbelievable how close she was actually coming to crying when she hadn't done so ever since the night Nate had stayed with her, ever since she'd been able to feel safe again.

"There's your knight in shining armor, Blair. Better scurry off." He gestured out the hall towards the stairs. She looked over her shoulder down the hallway and then back to Chuck. For several long moments it was clear she wanted to say something, but couldn't find the words to speak.

"Blair?" Nate called again

"Go on," Chuck urged, sarcasm still lacing every word. "Don't leave him hanging. You two are meant to be together."

_You don't belong with Nate. Never have. Never will._

For some reason those words burned her. She didn't want to think it was because he had never before warranted such a statement, not this time last year at least. But she buried that burn. She had to. The tears were only held back with an extreme amount of willpower as she stepped away from the door. Before she could even force any words out, the door had shut in front of her, not loud but it felt like a giant slap across her face. She turned and walked down the wall. Pausing briefly just before she was in view of the large apartment, she blinked a few times and cleared her face of any saddening emotions. Chuck had done this to her. She was right not to give him a second chance. Not that she had seriously been considering it anyways. She'd only gone up to see him because…well, Nate had to go do something and…it was the right thing to do…

"Yes, I'm ready," she said brightly, taking Nate's hand as she reached the bottom of the staircase. She gloried in the warmth of just being near him and only took one last glance at the top of the stairs before she stepped inside the elevator to leave.

….

A/N: Omg. SO much angst. I could've really fixed it there at the end, but I just need Chuck to insist on not being right for her a little while longer. It just tears at my CB heart and I need to get it out of my system. Hope you enjoyed. Please review. =)


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